Limerence


Breathing is different in water. 

When immersed in a new medium, you function according to different rules...

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Freedom 1

     I did not know that Carl Jung said about life that begins at 40. Good to know because I was tempted to believe that it was more of a personal experience. When I entered my 40s, I felt something remarkable about this age, something that signaled newness. A more open stage, where things that had been in a sort of haze, became clear. Clarity brought immense freedom like I did not experience before. Freedom from anything that would keep me stuck in an idea that was not totally internalized, understood, or honestly dealt with. Freedom is an outset.      Why people talk about getting old at 40? It is a new life that begins here, maybe a new form of childhood. When you are rediscovering everything without the typical child-like clumsiness, hesitation, or ambiguity. It is a stage where known feelings are elevated through a form of consciousness that gives a sense of freedom. It feels like a new self, and yet... the same soul; rejuvenating like a new set of clo...
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I find it as wonderful and liberating to refrain from sweets as it is to indulge in them (a fairly new discovery). Only the lifespan of each feeling differs. I prefer the lasting sense of freedom from sweets vs. the temporary feeling of pleasure from them. A bit of pleasure in a pool of problems will get lost and matter less. Sugar--  maybe the understated,  unrecognized, greatest drug, but definitely a king...
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As far as I know, I never ran over or hit an animal while driving. Not even a small rodent that jumps all of sudden from a roadside shrub. I was spared, I guess, because the road is full of such little animals killed by cars. In many cases, avoidance is impossible.  Today I saw a dead squirrel in the middle of the road. Besides pity, what caught my attention was her white paw lifted up, as if in her last moment of life she waved at someone above... Moreover, it seemed like she was waving at everyone who was passing, so I stepped on the breaks and paused a bit (I could). Not sure why I am writing more often about death. Maybe because it's familiar and strangely warm: I've known it early, and lately people I know are dying or nearing death, so it's part of... life. I can wave them goodbye with serenity, so knowing I lack power to change...  Sands are sinking and I am vulnerable...
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