About meaning


        I was thinking about the meaning of life when I was scrubbing my kitchen floor. For weeks I was seeing some dark spots and shades of dirt on the tiles, and finally got the energy to do it. I do not particularly like to do this kind of work, but after all  I am happy that I have the physical ability to perform such task, to give a thorough scrub as I kneel, and then stretch wide rinsing and wiping.

        I love clean houses. However, my house is not pristinely clean. I do things when I feel like it: one day a sink, another day a tub, another day something else. In a way, I miss my Mom's "complete" cleaning. Sometime before Easter she would bring a robust woman from the countryside and in a day or two everything would be washed: rugs, curtains, windows, floors. At the end of those days I had the smell of clean in my nose. But Mom, you do not wash and soak the hardwood floors-- that's why I have to repolish them right now...

       Scrubbing does not take a lot of thinking. It's just a repetitive action. So I can venture into a reflection about life... At my 43, I feel that I've seen it all. I've been on peaks and also down to the dark valleys. Now, I am on a nice terase and I can have a view of both, thankful that I've experienced the two kinds of a journey; this may give me a better understanding of life and the things therein. Success, failures, heartbreaks, fulfillment, disappointments, joys--they all fell like coins in my fountain, and now I gather quite a fortune. People want to be happy, that's for sure... There is something inside us like a vessel that needs to be filled; when this vessel-like thing is filled we call it happiness.

        In the Bible, Jesus mentions "the kingdom of heaven"; that it is at one point like "a treasure hidden in a field," and when people are aware of it, they're willing to do everything that it takes to possess it. Although Jesus gives enough clues that this type of "kingdom" is not exactly something physical, but rather a certain opening toward good in one's heart, the place has still its own degree of elusiveness. It is something that we may lose, or not see, or  hardly grasp, but remains still a possibility. This area in one's heart has almost the consistency of love, and love is not meant to be forgotten, it is something that fills up one's vessel. I am always curious about places off the beaten path, and want to get close and enter...

        My floor is all wiped and shiny. I can walk barefoot. Love it! I am going to make it up for this hard chore: I will have waxing done, and hair work, and maybe I will throw in a pedicure. Any woman should be a queen...at least from time to time.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Neclintire

     Sunt zile și zile. Manunchiuri de zile. Zile când vreau sa mă tot duc pe drumuri, mări, neștiute, nesfarsite, si zile când vreau sa stau, sa patrulez pe aceeași poteca de mii de ori, sa mă umplu de un spațiu care să-mi devină din ce in ce mai familiar, din ce in ce mai acasă. Un nomad si un sedentar.        Dar acum vreau sa stau. Zile in șir. Sa stau aici, sa fac pași mici doar, nepresati de orele plecărilor, sa ating aceeași materie in fiecare zi. Sa mă desfăt in rutina. Sa descopăr si sa sug energia care e într-un singur loc. Pana la fund. Si locul acesta sa se îmbibe cu energia mea ca un burete din care începe sa curgă. Sa mă împrietenesc chiar si cu ceea ce-mi e ostil: caldura amiezii, țepii cactușilor, scorpionii, aerul prea uscat, toate musculițele care au apărut dintr-o data la caldarusa unde adun resturile de mâncare...      Nu ma mai chemati pe nu stiu unde...
Read more

Freedom

     I did not know that Carl Jung said about life that begins at 40. Good to know because I was tempted to believe that it was more of a personal experience. When I entered my 40s, I felt something remarkable about this age, something that signaled newness. A more open stage, where things that had been in a sort of haze, became clear. Clarity brought immense freedom like I did not experience before. Freedom from anything that would keep me stuck in an idea that was not totally internalized, understood, or honestly dealt with. Freedom is an outset.      Why people talk about getting old at 40? It is a new life that begins here, maybe a new form of childhood. When you are rediscovering everything without the typical child-like clumsiness, hesitation, or ambiguity. It is a stage where known feelings are elevated through a form of consciousness that gives a sense of freedom. It feels like a new self, and yet the same soul; rejuvenating like a new set of clothe...
Read more

Dark and Light

     Who would have thought...? In a day when nothing seemed out of the ordinary... To slip through a hole like Alice in Wonderland... But for me it was no Wonderland, but a dark world where people suffer, cannot do normal activities, they are in pain and cry for help, where disease and death are looming. I mean... I vicariously knew how hard it was for sick people to deal with life, but I got more than ever to feel it myself, to have it... to know it first hand...      A simple accident while showering, overzealously polishing my heel. A sharp pain on the side, then loss of ability to move. Excruciating pain, and crawling like a creature of the earth. A few hours like that, then hardly moving. A muscle strain. Rest, ice, oils helped. Better everyday, then coming back home through the same hole... Running like a deer again.      Happy as if life it's not simply granted, but it's a miracle...
Read more