The man with inner watch

    It was a man John who liked everything in order. From random things neatly laid out around him, to life events that needed to fall in a particular order or measure of time. Thus he always seemed to know the time for something. So, when he got to a certain age, he knew he had to figure out a livelihood to choose. His father, a shepherd from Transylvania, told him he can either take up shepherd's work, or go to school to become a teacher. John loved the poetry of a shepherd's life, but he did not want to put up with hardships of tending to the sheep. Neither was he as much into grammar or math; but he went on to become a teacher. 

    Years went by and young John was finishing his school and was ready to receive his first job as a primary school teacher. In his own vision of order, he felt it was time to get married, and was looking. By now he had had the taste of women of all kinds, and he was no longer a shy lad; therefore, he was set on finding his wife, whose image stood pretty clear in his mind. A good opportunity came about when a dancing reception was organized for the new graduates.  

    And John did not have to wait a lot. At the reception, he saw her: a woman not too skinny, with generous forms, and fine facial features-- all as he was dreaming of. And he danced with her once,  then twice, and the third time he actually proposed. That's how much he knew he had to marry! They agreed to meet the second day to talk even more. The woman, Elena, also a young teacher, was engaged to another man, but John was handsome and dashing, and she wanted to be with the new man in her life instead. So, they had their wedding in a month.

    A couple of months passed after their big day and John was waiting for Elena to get pregnant because he considered it was time to have children. But Elena was yet to be pregnant. John could not conceive being childless, and told Elena that he can no longer stay married with her if she continues to be barren. She was disappointed, but attempting to save the marriage, the woman convinced him to have more patience, and  perhaps visit a doctor. John agreed. They found a small clinic and Elena underwent treatment for two weeks. At the end of the treatment the physician made John aware that children would start coming like from a running faucet. 

    And so, the woman got pregnant right away and a daughter was born. It was a great joy for the young couple, with Elena being a very loving mother. However, the child brought changes into the couple's life and a distance between the two emerged slowly, and John found  himself quickly in the arms of other women. It was too much for Elena, and no wonder she and the child left to her parents. No, this type of situation was not mirroring the order that John was living for, so he tried promises and reconciliation. They worked because Elena felt she had to keep the family unbroken no matter what. So, the couple was reunited.

    Elena got pregnant again. They wanted a second child, but John also wanted prosperity, and comfort, and two salaries were especially needed since they started to save for a car, a type of novelty during that time and in that part of the world. But an abortion in the same context of time and place was prohibited; so Elena had to have such procedure done remotely, in small and hidden rooms of the village, where skilled  women would use long knitting needles that could go through the woman's body and kill the fetus. So, Elena did it for the good of the family. 

    As the doctor had warned, Elena was getting pregnant often, and she visited the skilled women of the village on a regular basis. Of course she could not forget the loss of her own mother due to a post-abortion infection, when she was just ten. But she reasoned somehow that's what women did to keep the marriage going; and she wanted peace in the family. One time John stepped in and found a doctor who would do the job in secrecy, with a good pay. Then, Elena finished quickly with another pregnancy, but during the night the couple awoke in a puddle of blood, and John rushed her to the hospital. Once there, the doctor admonished Elena: "What did you do... lifted furniture, or something...? You lost the baby..." And he pulled out the twin brother of the other who was removed earlier in the day...

    After this incident, Elena still visited the skilled women of the village, sometimes even without telling John. Eventually, through the typical hush-hush connections, Elena had surgery that she would not get pregnant at all. By this time,  however, her health was already affected by numerous infections throughout the years, and she died suddenly before she reached older age. It was a time when she really wanted to live, to give even more to her daughter, and also to a granddaughter for whom she had just made a ballet dress, like a white swan...

    Now... John, what could he do? He knew it was time to remarry... He settled on a women with a long history of short marriages, and he began life with her. But problems developed soon after, and John thought the new wife had a strange behavior, and maybe she was not as normal. Sometimes he would even eat out, fearing that the woman might poison him. So, divorce came fast, and John gave up on the idea of another marriage. But once in while he would meet different women, and bring some home, and life was good this way. He was strong and healthy, and enjoyed his retirement years.

    Time flew, and John got to a good old age. His daughter moved in, so she would take care of him better. He was a man who liked everything at appointed time: breakfast, lunch, and dinner, laundry every week, and other as such. Things went well for him because his daughter was a loving and docile creature who did all she could to please her aging parent. The woman was not as healthy though, and one day she died as unexpected as her mother.

    John was broken again. In his own understanding of life's orders,  he could not accept that his own child would die before him. His health began to deteriorate, and the only thing he saw was that time for his own death must be near. And so, death came. And he died in solitude...

    In his last days, he dreamed of going up the mountains in the spring with the sheep, and sleep in a shelter with lots of people crowded near a smoldering fire. He was used with people around, but now he was alone, and struggled day and night with questions about his own loneliness -- how come in his old age he was not surrounded with children and grandchildren like other people like him usually were? His only grandchild was living far away and she could not give him the wished for permanence of physical presence and care. Perhaps he was meant to deal with his own destiny alone...