I reflect on timeless and the meaning of life. Maybe I start with me, but it's not just about me, but everyone else.
Here, I keep shells that I've gathered from the Beach...
Amintirile alearga. Mortii... e un fel de a spune... Se vrea ceva jucaus, cum ma simt eu acum, cand imi aduc aminte si scriu povesti, in niciun caz ceva morbid... Poate parea morbid, cred...
Sunt zile și zile. Manunchiuri de zile. Zile când vreau sa mă tot duc pe drumuri, mări, neștiute, nesfarsite, si zile când vreau sa stau, sa patrulez pe aceeași poteca de mii de ori, sa mă umplu de un spațiu care să-mi devină din ce in ce mai familiar, din ce in ce mai acasă. Un nomad si un sedentar. Dar acum vreau sa stau. Zile in șir. Sa stau aici, sa fac pași mici doar, nepresati de orele plecărilor, sa ating aceeași materie in fiecare zi. Sa mă desfăt in rutina. Sa descopăr si sa sug energia care e într-un singur loc. Pana la fund. Si locul acesta sa se îmbibe cu energia mea ca un burete din care începe sa curgă. Sa mă împrietenesc chiar si cu ceea ce-mi e ostil: caldura amiezii, țepii cactușilor, scorpionii, aerul prea uscat, toate musculițele care au apărut dintr-o data la caldarusa unde adun resturile de mâncare... Nu ma mai chemati pe nu stiu unde...
I did not know that Carl Jung said about life that begins at 40. Good to know because I was tempted to believe that it was more of a personal experience. When I entered my 40s, I felt something remarkable about this age, something that signaled newness. A more open stage, where things that had been in a sort of haze, became clear. Clarity brought immense freedom like I did not experience before. Freedom from anything that would keep me stuck in an idea that was not totally internalized, understood, or honestly dealt with. Freedom is an outset. Why people talk about getting old at 40? It is a new life that begins here, maybe a new form of childhood. When you are rediscovering everything without the typical child-like clumsiness, hesitation, or ambiguity. It is a stage where known feelings are elevated through a form of consciousness that gives a sense of freedom. It feels like a new self, and yet the same soul; rejuvenating like a new set of clothe...
They say you need a village to raise a child. As far as my own childhood, it rings true: parents, friends of parents, grandparents, neighbors, aunts, uncles... they all had their part with me. With children of my own though, I had to become the "village,"I suppose... But no matter what, a village it's not enough to deal with the energy, curiosity, inventiveness, awkwardness of a child. One needs an ever watchful eye to take action when a villager fails to see, or act, in case a danger develops out of the blue. A creature with wings that sees even though is not seen, strong and fast to change things for the better in a blinking of an eye. I heard many stories about invisible creatures with wings. I believe they are around, even though I do not have a sense of them. I get goosebumps when I remember childhood moments when things could have gone wrong for me, but they did not; even with my own kids, when a moment of forgetfulness on my part could have...
De ce sa alearge? Credeam ca le iesi in cale cu o lumanare.
ReplyDeleteAmintirile alearga. Mortii... e un fel de a spune... Se vrea ceva jucaus, cum ma simt eu acum, cand imi aduc aminte si scriu povesti, in niciun caz ceva morbid...
DeletePoate parea morbid, cred...