Things of Life

Obisnuiam sa ma lupt cu destinul, sa forțez note, ca un erou mitologic ce ar fi lăsat in urma o poveste arhetipala. Credeam ca intensitatea unei dorințe or zvâcnirea pasionala, sunt in sine chestiuni de destin, forte de care trebuie sa te lași condus în pofida oricărui obstacol. Si se întâmpla ca lucrurile sa iasă chiar așa, oarecum forțate, obosite după a lupta grea. Privite dintr-un anumit unghi si de la o anume distanță, păreau lipsite de acea frumusețe a naturaleții, a lucrurilor picate din cer, întâmplate fără sa miști un deget, sa te surprindă... Acum nu mă mai lupt cu morile de vânt, ori ca porcul cu dovlecii, deși am eu acolo un spirit de tenacitate unde găsesc ca e cazul. Dar îmi place sa observ mersul destinului, ce se leagă si ce se dezleagă, si accept lucrurile astea ca fiind cele mai de dorit, si chiar cele mai frumoase...

There are the rocks, petrified, unshaken sand, and gold.  I rely on consistency as if it's my daily water. My air, even.  A couple of pillars, a canopy, a door... then I can shed a layer of my skin. Outside, everything moves, like the winds...

As far as I know, I never ran over or hit an animal while driving. Not even a small rodent that jumps all of sudden from a roadside shrub. I was spared, I guess, because the road is full of such little animals killed by cars. In many cases, avoidance is impossible.  Today I saw a dead squirrel in the middle of the road. Besides pity, what caught my attention was her white paw lifted up, as if in her last moment of life she waved at someone above... Moreover, it seemed like she was waving at everyone who was passing, so I stepped on the breaks and paused a bit (I could). Not sure why I am writing more often about death. Maybe because it's familiar and strangely warm: I've known it early, and lately people I know are dying or nearing death, so it's part of... life. I can wave them goodbye with serenity, so knowing I lack power to change...  Sands are sinking and I am vulnerable...

I find it as wonderful and liberating to refrain from sweets as it is to indulge in them (a fairly new discovery). Only the lifespan of each feeling differs. I prefer the lasting sense of freedom from sweets vs. the temporary feeling of pleasure from them. A bit of pleasure in a pool of problems will get lost and matter less. Sugar--  maybe the understated,  unrecognized, greatest drug, but definitely a king...