Things of Life

I am matter and spirit, All in one-- Something fixed as rock, No way to separate. I feel me in each, So clearly distinct... Although, somewhere, The invisible link Keeps me  going. If I would be just matter, I'll fall like sand At ocean's bottom; If just spirit, I would get lost above... But being both, I keep my buoyancy in the middle...

     I can feel it. There is sustained pressure especially for a woman that's getting older, to hide any signs of her aging, even to the point of having fake elements on/in her body and compromise health to enhance look and sex appeal. I resist it not because I am not interested in beauty; I naturally am. But I believe beauty here is grossly misunderstood and highly commercialized.     A  saying in art sounds like... if you can't hide something, show it with style. It is a rather a desperate act to employ temporary solutions like make up, or constant hair dyeing, that will dump loads of chemicals in your body; or have regular surgical interventions that would make your body look abused on the long run.      It seems like hair dyeing is a big one. A woman who does not color her white hair is perceived almost like a careless and irresponsible one. As if one can control the pigment of her hair as she can do with weight. I am yet to know about a ...

     Everyday, I am going farther to a point in my life. I am relishing this journey of self-discovery and growth, and start to see that I am actually trekking on a very big loop, and tend to move closer to where I left. I return to my roots, to the hearth, to the womb, to the earth...      What I subconsciously established in childhood, now I consciously return to as to the most pure and real thing. Then, I've planted trees and forgot about them; I ran like wild. Now, I see that a forest has become of them, and long these trees to shelter me, to nourish me, to give me rest.       Life is a big return...

     Although I was born sometime when winter was waving its icy claws to let the first flowers of spring come through, I was a summer girl, always longing for it as if life was only there...      One time I decided to despise winter, and stick with summer as much as I could. To forget perhaps that winter ever was. Maybe cold was something that could be defeated. Maybe it was just in my mind...      So, fall weather was easy, and I found myself in February still wearing light clothes like a summer hooded tee and a scanty denim jacket. Walking briskly in the morning with the jacket unzipped... Not too bad--I told myself-- and somehow made it through the whole winter. I don't know... maybe it was just a very mild winter. But spring came in no time, then summer. I lived through the seasons like a tree...      I am indeed like a tree, living with the seasons, dressing, undressing, searching for sun, water, loving birds and the...

     I should write about death since it's becoming more and more part of life itself as time passes... More often now, people that I knew have died, and I hear about others having serious diseases, so death is looming there... Sure, explanation is simple: as I am aging, people older than me that I've known longer are reaching the end of life; also, I am more aware of death at this point in my life, and pay more attention to such events than when younger and death seemed surreal. It's very real now...      They are they, and I feel somehow excluded, but I know that one day death is gonna come near me, too.  Being healthy and avoiding disease (although a lot nowadays) is not gonna solve the problem of death; it's only gonna make it a bit more peaceful, I suppose; can I say more beautiful...? What I am left with is an attitude, my attitude towards death...      I am smart enough to not fight death. I am not going to fight it. I cannot embr...

Today I saw the mountain  With white-sprinkled beard Like an old man... He is well groomed and handsome, Why not ask him passing by, If age is something to fear...? He answers so I shall know-- "Let aging be as peaceful As white snow..."

     I am not afraid of rain. When it rains I am not turned away from going outside... I was swimming one time in a lake while raining and did not know why a guy was frantically waving at me. Lightning. I had forgotten that one... in my excitement of being between two waters...      I walk, and walk in the rain... In the desert, an acidic smell is released when raining, as the first water hits the soil. The land is so dry and thirsty that a reaction occurs when water fights to penetrate it. I came to like the smell as it's associated with long wished humidity and clean; or maybe only now I get to feel the smell of the vast matter around...       It is a form of catharsis: water pours from the sky and cleanses the land. The world cleanses itself, and sheds away its burdens... I-- in the midst of it...     Another year has begun...